She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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