im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
