Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
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underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize