i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
