Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize