That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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