the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
