I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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