community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
