I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
