oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she pinky promised me she was 18
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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