All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
