why didn't you poke me back
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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