I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
