Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
