If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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