Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize