Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
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It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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