Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
