Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
