chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
