Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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