Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
