worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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