These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
