it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
