I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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