I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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