Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
