its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
