5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
