wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
