By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
