could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize