Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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