Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
