Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We have started to decorate penises.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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