i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
