He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We need to get me chipped asap
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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