And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
