I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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