I'm lost and stupid without you.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
