she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
