C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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