Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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