Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
