yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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