escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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