youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
True strength comes from lack of pants
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
