Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize