C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
