normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
