i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
