Do vagina's smell?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
