and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
