Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
