11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
