I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
