I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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