After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
