Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
