is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
