Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Everclear isn't food dammit
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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