ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
