The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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