I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
