Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
