you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
