I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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