Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
