Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
