I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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