i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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