I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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