So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
