Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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