lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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