Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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