My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
