i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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