I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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