Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
