Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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