JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
God, I missed his penis.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
