Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
