Moan for me like Helen Keller
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
