wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
