tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
